Julian had to laugh at Jesse’s impersonation of their old Headmaster, then nodded as they got out of the shower and dried themselves up. “Oh yeah, we were quite the troublemakers back then, huh?” He smiled at the dozens of memories of them together at school, then he soon found himself tucked under the covers, snuggled tight against Jesse’s chest. The shower had relaxed him enough, and now he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.
Jesse pulled the covers over them, their bodies pressed close together which allowed him to relax and just focus on the warmth and comfort this brought. “Mmm,” he smiled at Julian, leaning forward to kiss him softly before letting his head fall against the pillow and his eyes slip shut, “g’night, Jules. I love you.” The exhaustion that their conversation (or, Jesse supposed, argument) from earlier hit him like a tonne of bricks and he fell asleep almost instantly focusing on thoughts of him and Julian and what the future after this whole mess was over, could be like.
Julian chuckled as he wrapped his arms around Jesse, kissing him gently as the water fell on their heads. “Yeah, I kinda figured there wouldn’t be any play.” He laughed softly and shook his head. “The Headmaster would have a fit if he sees you helping others, after all that chit chat he always gave you at school. Hey, maybe we should invite him over when you get to do that!” He winked at him and chuckled, then grabbed the soap and turned Jesse around so he could wash his back.
“Mr St James,” Jesse said in an impersonation of the Headmaster, “I thought we agreed that I wouldn’t be seeing you in my office again. What did you and Mr Bass no doubt, get up to this time?" He laughed, as they finished their shower and climbed out. The warm water on his body had certainly made him feel even more tired but he kept his eyes open as he dried off and pulled on a pair of briefs and some sweat pants and smiled at their dog in the corner, happily unaware of the situation going on around him. Zeus often felt like his first child, which always made him remember that Julian had a first child. And he hoped when this was all over that Julian got to spend more time with her than he was able to now. He blinked himself out of his thoughts with a shake of his head then climbed into bed next to Julian.
Julian rolled his eyes slightly but nodded anyway. He knew Jesse would react like that, that’s why he had managed to keep his scars hidden from him for as long as he could, until that night. He wrapped his hands around the man’s neck and kissed him gently. “I won’t stop you, I promise. And yes, we have some potion at the store.” He chuckled and stepped back, then stripped off his pants and briefs as well, then turned the water on so it could get warm. “Let’s just get cleaned up and get some sleep, yeah? I don’t wanna talk about it anymore tonight.”
Jesse watched as Julian took off the remaining of his clothes and nodded, “yeah.” He yawned, “shower and sleep and just forgetting about everything for now sounds perfect.” He quickly stripped off his clothes and stepped under the warm water with Julian, “mmm… god. I feel like I actually have done theatre exercises today.” He paused, then bit his lip, “sorry. If it wasn’t already obvious, that’s why I can’t get tickets. There’s no theatre. Hopefully there will be one day though. Pretending to help out at a community theatre just made me actually want to help out at a community theatre.” He chuckled, “me. Helping. My professors at McKinley would be shocked.” He kissed Julian gently, then grabbed the soap and started cleaning them off.
Lost in thoughts as he was, Julian should have known better than to close the door behind him before he took his shirt off, but there was nothing left to do when it became apparent to Jesse that he had new scars on his back. “Sometimes… people just fights back, you know? And… well, they sometimes like to make us remember what our duty is. With… whips and stuff. It’s no big deal. The cream is in the cabinet above the sink. It’s freshly made from last week.” He chuckled sadly. “Aloe, arnica,… and I forgot what else.” He took his hand. “But forget about that. Wanna take a shower with me?”
Jesse supposed he should have figured that people fight back. It tends to e what one would do if they were on the brink of torture or death. But then Julian so nonchalantly added something about reminding them of their duty and his eyes flashed with anger. “They do what!?” Jesse exclaimed with wide, furious eyes, “whips and-” He shook his head, “if it comes to a final battle I’m going to kill as many of them as I can. Painfully. And don’t say it’s not a big deal. You getting hurt in any way is a big deal to me, okay?” He kissed Julian’s shoulder gently and nodded, “yes. But after the shower I’m putting cream on them, no matter what you say. Don’t we sell some healing potions at the shop? When we’re there tomorrow we have to grab one.”
"Let’s go then" He pulled his hand up and kissed it, then the three of them made their way up to their room, turning the lights off as they walked along. He then placed Zeus on his bed and closed the bedroom door, so that he wouldn’t run down the stairs. The puppy soon started to happily gnaw on his chewtoy, as Julian turned to look at Jesse and smiled. "Time to go to bed then. I think I’ll take a shower first." He kissed him quickly as he walked past him, then took his shirt off as he entered the bathroom, the scars of some of the scrimage he had been involved in still visible on his torso and back.
Jesse hummed in agreement when Julian said he was going to take a shower, feeling like one himself as well. He was about to say so, as he watched as Julian took off his shirt and saw the scars on his back. He knew Julian had some scars of course, but he was positive that he hadn’t seen these ones before. He walked over to him before he could shut the door and touched his back lightly, though not the scarred area, “Jules… fuck. How recent are these? Why didn’t you tell me? I’m sure we have some cream or something around here.” He made Julian turn to face him and saw the marks on his chest as well and sucked in a breath, “what happened? These… they look worse than normal.”
Julian smiled softly and nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t want you dying either. That would suck, big time.” He kissed his cheek gently, then sighed. “I truly hope this thing is over soon, I don’t know how much longer I can take anymore.” He looked down to notice Zeus gnawing on his pants and putting his little paw on it, as if he knew his daddies were sad. He bent down and picked the puppy in his arms, then looked at Jesse. “How about we rest tonight? And forget about this whole thing… Just relax, while we can.” He took Jesse’s hand with his free hand and smiled, a veil of both sadness and tiredness marked on his face.
Jesse reached over and petted Zeus gently, “well, I can’t tell you too much because I don’t exactly know much since I’m a Slytherin and all. They kind of involve me begrudgingly but I don’t think they fully trust me or tell me everything. I think the Order are expecting it to be over soon. Whether they win or lose, rebelling in the shadows can only get so far. And I think the Death Eater attacks are getting more public too, just from what we can see. It’s only a matter of time. I wish we could just go into hiding. Run away. But they seem to find people that do that.” He smiled sadly, then nodded and can Julian’s hand a squeeze, “I would love nothing more than to just rest with you and forget everything.”
Julian’s look softened when he noticed the way in which the words seemed to stumble out of Jesse’s lips, like it almost always happened when he got nervous, then he wrapped his arms around him, holding him close against himself, his fingertips brushing on the back of his neck. “I don’t want you in danger either, love.” He then pulled back and looked at him when he asked him that, then he held his face with both hands, his eyes looking directly at Jesse’s as if he wanted to stress the point down. “Whichever side you’re on, sweetheart.”
Jesse took a deep breath and nodded, “okay. Because I think the moment the Death Eaters saw me on the other side they would probably kill you. And I wouldn’t want to fight if that would be the outcome.” He leant his face into Julian’s hands with a smile, feeling comforted already. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I was just scared how you would react. I wasn’t really thinking when I did it I just… it feels like the end of the war is coming, you know? And nobody is going to be holding back in a battle. Neither side is going to be giving a fuck what’s considered and unforgivable curse or illegal or anything. And I didn’t want you dying for something you don’t even want to be apart of. Well, I don’t want you dying period.”
His heart begun to slow its wild rhythm when he felt his fiancé’s arm around him, immediately relaxing into the warm embrace, Jesse’s words echoing in his ears soothingly, filling him with a peace that he had lost for the moment; he looked up at him when he held his face, his green eyes now red and filled with tears that didn’t seem to end. He then held onto Jesse’s hands, his breathing not so ragged by now, and he raised a brow before he talked again. “You’re asking me to be a spy. Is that what they asked of you to do?” He sighed and looked down. “I wish everything was so simple Jesse… You think they wouldn’t notice that there’s a mole in thee group? The consequences would be much worse.” He held his hands together with Jesse’s, then kissed his palm. “Of course I trust you. You’re the only one I trust my life with… I’m just saying… that it’s easier said that done. That’s all.
"What?" Jesse blinked, "no. Nobody asked you to be a spy. That had nothing to do with me being apart of The Order, or them only stunning you if it comes down to that." He felt guilty at Julian’s words and nodded, "I wasn’t asking you to join The Order or attend meetings or anything just… pass on some information. Not all of it. That would have been too obvious. But you’re right. They’d probably notice either way. I know. I should have… I should have realised that. I don’t know what I was thinking." He gave Julian a sad smile, "I’m sorry. I don’t want you in danger. Not even the slightest." He bit his lip and hesitated, "but if it came down to it, a final battle of sorts, which side would you fight on?"
Julian could see the heat rising up in his veins, his fist closed to tight his knuckles turned white, an almost forgotten rage threatening to spill like a broken dam; yet in the middle of that sudden darkness, like many other times, Jesse was his very own beam of light; this time it was his voice, the pleading sound on it that made him snap out of that temporary trance he seemed to have slipped in. Julian’s body deflated, his hands falling on both sides of his body as he breathed deeply, then he covered his face and turned his back to Jesse so that he couldn’t see him, while under the edge of his palms tears ran down freely. “I could’ve killed Blaine… Oh god… I’m such a shit…. Oh god…” Bit by bit, his anger broke down in sheer despair. “I do what I do.. because it keeps you safe. The day I stop… You know what will happen. And if you die… I won’t survive. I can’t keep on living without you…” His words were muffled by the hands on his face.
Jesse walked up cautiously behind him, wrapping an arm tightly around him, “don’t say that. You’re not shit. You didn’t want to kill Blaine. And you didn’t kill him. He’s still alive. He misses his best friend. I know you do everything to protect me. That’s what makes you a good person, Julian. It doesn’t matter what you do, deep down you are still that person you are with me. And when this is all over and the Death Eaters are destroyed, you’ll be free.” He might sound especially hopeful, probably too optimistic for the circumstances but he truly believed that there was at least a small chance that maybe, just maybe, they could defeat them. “I’m not asking you to stop. You do what you need to, and I do what I need to. But you could join me. Not officially. I just… if you can tell me anything I can pass on that might save someone, they’ll be more likely to only stun you like they said they would… if it comes to that.” He carefully moved Julian’s hands from his face so he could replace them with his own, “I understand if you can’t. And that’s okay. And if you can’t trust me again, then I understand that too. But I needed to do it. If there’s even the smallest chance it would prevent anyone attempting to kill you, then I had to take it. Because I couldn’t keep on living without you either.”
His eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, wide and rage like he hadn’t felt in a while ran through his veins like wildfire. “You did what?! YOU JOINED THE ORDER?! You stupid motherf— ugh!!” He grabbed his own hair and pulled it tight as he walked away, the veins on his neck thumping wiId. “Why… How… Wh— oh shit, oh shit…” His fingers tapped his scalp, as if he could pull an idea out of thin air to help clear things up; he looked at him with narrowedd eyes. “If you really think those weaklinks friends of yours can bring me down, you really think low of me sweetheart.” His voice sounded like a low growl.
"Why?" Jesse asked, his voice teetering on the edge of anger now, "why do you think. It’s not fair that you’re allowed to fucking be apart of the Death Eaters and I’m supposed to what, do nothing about it? When I’m doing things for the Order I feel like I’m doing something right. And I will not let you take that away from me, or tell me I can’t do that. I saved Blaine’s life and I saved you from having to kill him. So you’re welcome, by the way.” Julian’s next words scared him though and he stood up, walking away from him, “If the Order was so weak, they’d be destroyed by now. But they’re not. Because your friends can’t. What the fuck are you saying? You sound… you don’t like sound like you. You are not one of them, Julian. You may have the mark that says you are, but you’re not. Don’t start talking like them when it’s just us. Please.”